I just found out that my husband has used prostitutes. I don’t know where to turn or how to get help. What can I do?

Right now you need to be loved and supported, and to recognize that what he has done is not your fault, nor is it “about” you. Hopefully, you have friends or family members who care, and won’t shame or blame you. A counselor who understands sex addiction, or addiction in general, can help you grieve your loss and deal with the pain you feel, and later, begin to heal. A support group for partners of sex addicts is also a wonderful tool. Such a group offers a way to connect with other women who share similar experiences, to gain support, and to heal and grow together. Depending on where you live, finding such a group can be challenging, or relatively easy. Cities and metropolitan areas usually have at least secular groups for partners of sex addicts (as well as for addicts), but evn if you live in a small town, check to see if these groups may be available. Even if you must drive an hour or two to attend a weekly meeting, it will be worth the effort, at least for a few months. The secular varieties include S-Anon and Cosa. Use the phone book or the Internet to locate groups near you. Call the number given for Alcoholics Anonymous, explain what you are looking for, and ask if there are any groups in your area. The 12 step organizations around the world network through central offices, so information about a variety of groups can usually be found this way. Volunteers usually manage these offices, so it may take a few days to get the information you need, but it is worth the effort and wait. If you are using the Internet, do a search under S-Anon, Cosa, and sex addiction. You should be able to locate a list of meetings in your area, or at least the nearest city, as well as contact numbers to ask questions. Also, churches often have Celebrate Recovery groups, occasionally, even for partners of sex addicts. Celebrate Recovery can be found online, and their site contains a list of groups across the country.

To try to find a counselor who specializes in sex addiction, or addiction, search the yellow pages. To find a Christian counselor with the specialty, try calling the five largest churches closest to you, anonymously ask to speak with the counseling pastor, and explain that you are trying to locate a counselor who deals with sex addiction, or works with partners of sex addicts. You may also try calling or using the web to contact the American Association of Christian Counselors and asking if they know of anyone who meets the qualifications you are looking for.

Utilize the Resources link on this site, too. Visit other sites listed here, and look for additional resources.

Also, consider ordering the Journey to Healing and Joy Workbook from this web site. It is an very helpful tool, whether you use it at home alone, or take it to your meetings with a counselor.

If possible, consider forming and facilitating a Partner’s Healing Journey support group by following the instructions in the Facilitator’s Guide in the back of the workbook. The workbooks contains a several-week long structured process to help you grieve and move toward healing, as well as educate you about sex addiction, and co-addiction. Meeting with at least one or two other women weekly, and sharing your answers to the questions provides an invaluable tool for bonding, support, and healing.

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