Attachment Gone Wrong; Attachment Gone Right

“The heartbreaking thing about porn is not that it’s sin,” an attachment-focused therapist friend recently said to me. “It’s that when you wake up there is no one there loving you back.”

Wow. That rang so true I wrote it down. Yes, porn and sex addiction are terribly lonely and isolating activities. Did you know that many prostitutes refuse to kiss their customers because the services they perform are not about connection and intimacy? They offer a service for payment. Period. And when it is over, the addict is alone and without connection. Yet we were all created for connection, so the addict is not only alone, he’s locked himself out of connection with his wife, perpetuating his own emptiness in his desire to fill it. Could Dr. Jim Wilder  [1] be right when he says that sexual addiction is attachment gone wrong? Could beating sex addiction actually be about attachment connection?

I believe the answer is yes. In fact, not long ago, a man in one of my groups got my attention when he asked: “Do you know that the opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety? It’s connection.” Ponder that with me for a minute, because it’s huge! And it begs the question: Can we counter sex addiction with attachment? If we help people learn how to form healthy, healing, deep attachment bonds, will they be empowered to fill the hunger in their own souls, and by-pass sex addiction?

If those questions interest you, I want to tell you about two groups we’ve offered for several years, that we’re offering again this Fall. One is for men and one is for women, and both use a powerful little book titled, Living from the Heart Jesus Gave Youthat catapulted my own healing when I found it in 2008. In the structure of a safe, small group, it helps you sort through past trauma, evaluate your emotional maturity, and equips you to form healthy attachment bonds with others. And it empowers you to keep joy in your daily life.

So, whether you are an addict or a hurting wife, if you need something more to permanently fill the hunger in your own soul and find your way to daily joy, I invite you to talk to Coach Jodi if you are a woman, and to Coach Steve if you are a man. Not only can their groups and the concepts they teach help you heal as an individual, they will transform your marriage and family if they become a way of life. I promise you that you won’t regret the personal transformation.


Empowered by joy,